Associated Mail & Parcel Centers Blog

I even hated the sound of the word. For me face-to-face networking has been akin to a root canal or going to the DMV. I just do not want to interrupt people, burst in, or my worst fear, say something stupid; I would fear that I would have absolutely nothing to say. I’ve always been a shy participant at parties and other social situations, and when it became imperative that I network and speak to people at gatherings I began to dread it.

But I had to change. So I started listening to what the others were doing. And I heard that they were all talking about themselves, their businesses, and trying to promote themselves. This gave me the clue that, surprisingly, people like to talk about themselves. People do consider themselves interesting. It can be boring at times, but it can also be very interesting to get the insight and experiences of other people.

I like to think that I am interesting, too, but others may argue the point. Besides I already know my insight and experiences, and I enjoy learning new ones. So I adapted my approach. I became interested rather than attempting to be interesting. I found that what I lacked in salesmanship I could make up for by shutting my mouth and listening. I could then concentrate and absorb what was being said.

I wish I had learned this technique during my dating years, but it also applies well to marriages.

Another thing happens when you ask the right questions and listen. The conversion softens from the stiff, contrived language of competition and transactions to the casual comfort of creating a relationship. When you ask people about themselves they get surprisingly generous with their business and personal information. This casual comfort allows me to relax and think about the person speaking and not my next thought.

I don’t mean to sound callous or opportunistic, but what you learn about people can be very useful when it comes to doing business with them. The more you know about a prospect, the easier it is to find ways to help them. And being successful at helping is what makes businesses successful.

So what do you ask? Here are some ideas. If you search for Networking Questions, you will find these and a lot more. But these seem to be the most effective for my DNA. You may want to look for others that fit your style and personality.

What do you do?
How did you come by doing that?
What did you do before that?
Who do you work for?
What has made this (you) successful?
Who influenced you?
Why do you do what you do?
Has anybody helped you along the way?
This is the best – you may need to find some chairs for this one: What did you learn from your father (mother)?
How do you have fun? – Can be risky.
How do you keep your best customer loyal to you?
What would your perfect customer be?
What is in the future for your business?
If you could change something/anything what would it be?

If they bring up kids and family, the questions concerning family are fair, but I never initiate family topics – we live in a strange world and this can end a conversation just like politics and religion. And if these taboo topics come up, change them quickly. When discussing politics you have a 50% chance of making somebody angry – not good odds. You may be tempted to argue – don’t – no matter how much it hurts. Religion – it’s just too personal.

I also like to learn where they are from and how they ended up where they are. The stories of why people move or are compelled to move fascinate me. I also like to hear about their history.

One very important thing you must do – look them in the eye and be interested. I did not say look interested, I said be interested. If you are not genuinely interested in what they are about (and most people can tell), how would you expect them to be interested in you and your business?

Try a few of these questions next time and see if they work for you. Let me know how it works out or what works for you.